He is at home again but very weak. Wasn't a good idea to give him another chemo...
He had to stay at the hospital for a whole week...
Now he is not able to get up anymore.
I am currently spending most of my time here at my grandma's house to help her and grandpa a bit.
In a few weeks I will travel to France though and I am already a bit... nervous and worried.
If he.... god what if something happens to him while I am away?
I seriously hope it won't be like that.
Ah well... I won't be there for like... 5 or 6 days.
Still... I can't wait for Paris.
Grandpa... is still okay.
He has his ups and downs but overall he is feeling okay and he is eating much.
Today we got a call from the doctor and he has to go to the hospital again tomorrow...
Again I am damn afraid but the doctor said the first chemo helped him. I hope he's okay after the second one too.
I am always distracting me from negative thoughts but they... aren't avoidable~
I am just happy that he wants to live now... at least for another few months... I seriously hope so.
Cancelled callcenter work for today and tomorrow. I don't have energy for work anymore.
At least they are flexible with that.
Grandpa is okay right now. He is at home again and sleeping most of the time. Yesterday his condition was really bad but today he is okay. The day before he even walked a bit. I was so happy.
And he was interested in the newspaper and the TV.
That was great, really.
He wasn't interested in anything for a longer time.
This week is the last week of work for me (at the callcenter). I will start again in January. Have to work as much as possible this week to get enough money.
I am working on layouts and stuff like that again. Work distracts me from sad thoughts...
Will finish a new website soon and I will work on my Deidara shrine after that.
And I have a lot of movies to watch in the next few months. What's most important is "The Golden Compass" and "Enchanted" (deutscher Trailer: "Verwünscht" ). I have to watch these two...
Today... I got up at 5:30 am...
I wanted to talk to, kiss and hug my grandpa before they take him back to the hospital at 6:30 am.
It felt like as if I wouldn't see him again.
And I am crying again.
I have hope but... They will start with chemo today... and he is so weak.
The last week was so... wonderful. And now I am worried again, scared actually...
He should come home on Wednesday or Thursday. Please... come back again.
He is here... with us.
He came home today.
I am crying again right now because I am so happy to see him here even though I am of course worried...
He wanted to sleep again now...
But he said he loves the tea here much better than the one at the hospital...
That made me happy.
They are starting with chemo next week. But until that time he is here at home... with us.
They started with the therapy yesterday. We were so hopeful when he called us and we were able to understand him on the phone.
Today he didn't call us.
Mother was with him for a bit... and told us later that he couldn't speak much... and has problems to sit up because he feels dizzy then.
He can't see much... his one eye is almost blind already.
The other one is still okay somehow... but... still....
He doesn't feel any pain... I do though...
I was so hopeful yesterday... and was happy because I thought he maybe could come home again for awhile at least.
He wouldn't live much longer. But it would be enough to be with him more... to have him here at home... so that he can still see where he lives and so that he can be where he lives... so that he can see his garden, his books, his room,...
He is tired all the time now... He wasn't like that just 2 days ago.
The nurse said it's better than yesterday... that he feels better than yesterday... but I don't really think so...
Grandma and I were crying again...
We wanted him to come home... at least a bit..
He has metastases in his head...
I love him so much... I.... don't want to lose him...
I was just talking about death in the other post and now...
He has to come home again... he needs to be with us...
I want him to be here...
Please god... at least allow him to be here again for sometime... please... even if it's just for a few days...
I want to be together with him a little more... I want to hug and give him a kiss again...
Grandpa called us again an hour ago or something. He told us he still doesn't know what he has... but the doctor already told him. He just doesn't want to accept it.
He just says... he wants to go home... tomorrow...
I want that too... I want him to be here...
I want him to be with us... please...
EDIT: He just called us again... he has another visit of the doctor in the next few hours. Everytime we are able to talk to him I feel a bit... I don't know... a bit better...
Today I watched "The Green mile".
It's a great movie... but...
Everytime I am watching this movie it makes me think about death... and that we all have to go one day.
Today... when I was visiting my grandfather in the hospital, he is fine so far and everything... I thought about the same.
It makes me sad and scared somehow even though it's the most natural thing ever....
It happens to everyone... and still... I am too afraid to even think about it. I am too... scared to think about it... that I might lose my grandparents in the next few years.
Everytime something happens to them I am scared and I am crying all day long because of that.
I will visit grandpa again on Sunday.
He is okay again but... I am still worried.
Not much to tell... I am currently watching TV (cute raccoons <3) and I am waiting for my downloads to finish (new J-POP music for me).
Currently I am especially obsessed with "Aoyama Thelma". The girl is TRULY awesome. Her voice is BEAUTIFUL and strong. Love to listen to her music.
Listening to good music the whole day is very relaxing. It makes me feel good. Currently I am listening to KIMERU...
Bought myself new headphones today because mine don't work anymore. My new ones are better anyway. MUCH better.
I met Sabine, had some great time with her and we will see us again for a few moments later because I will bring her suitcase to her which she left with me. Will also see Schu then for a moment. Hope I can spend some more time with them again soon. Maybe on Saturday... but for sure next Thursday (at least with Sabine then).
Currently I am reading a good book called "Du wirst das später verstehen..." about a young boy from Vienna who lives during "WW II". He talks about the changes back then and about his youth in general. It's nice to read... sometimes I even have to smile, especially in the beginning of the book. Later it's still interesting but also sad...